Anonymous asked: hi. i am 24 years old and a lesbian. the thing is, just came out of myself and 3 of my friends - on which one is a lesbian too. i want to come to my mom and dad - but my mother is ultra Catholic and i am afraid that telling my father this would further widen the rift between us. needless to say, i am scared shit out of my mind - and my heart hurts because i kind of know (and feel) that i would not be accepted - but i don't want to ignore myself again, as i have done for the last decade. thanks.
Hello! First I want to let you know just how proud you should be for coming out to your friends. It is a terrifying but freeing experience. You are allowing yourself to really live as the wonderful person you are.
Now, I understand your fears with your family. I was raised in the depths of the southeast bible belt and I know how daunting it feels when you know people won’t understand. I feel for you because it will hurt and I wish I could save you from this pain. I do believe that letting them know, face-to-face (if you feel safe), and as straightforward as possible is the way to go. Finding out from someone else or when you bring home your wife will only add to their defensiveness.
Show them trust and sometimes even harsh parents will surprise us. Having known us our whole lives, often the revelation we think is so shocking is something they always knew was coming. Though, I warn you, because you seem rather sure that your father and mother will have a hard time (you know them better than I do) that you’ll have to be prepared for crying, screaming, accusations, denial and a laundry list of bigoted statements. Please try not to take them personally if they show up. If your parents have been buying into all the bigotry out there, they will have so many emotions, fears and worries that will take time to come to terms with. They love you and will worry about what this will mean for your life and how this will change their dreams of weddings and grandchildren.
Be patient with them and remind them that you are still their daughter and you still love them, but you have to live for yourself. Give them information on support groups for families and PFLAG. I believe you can find possive LGBT Catholic information too. They may not accept them at first but try again after a while. Let them know that this is who you are and it makes you happy. Remind them that you still want them in your life.
I hope and pray for you that it goes smoothly but it may take days or even years for them to handle it and sadly some never do. I hope you can remember that no matter what they say to you, it is a reflection on them and their insecurities and that there is nothing wrong with you.
There are some links in my resources section for support groups that you might want to try for yourself, especially if you receive very negative reactions from your parents.
You are strong and you are loved. Keep living the life god gave you because s/he did not make a mistake.
Much love,
Coles
