"In reality, however, sexual orientation is a God-given trait—not a "choice." There is not a shred of evidence it can be changed. And just as is true for heterosexual people, it is a very central and important part of one’s being. When parents reject or punish a child for being gay, they are rejecting the essence of who their children are as people."
i think it's sad that people would disregard ANY life just like that (in response to the comment you posted from someone else who said that lots of people commit suicides). how numb can people become? :(
Agreed… it is really sad that people can get so calloused. Makes you wonder why some people forget the worth of others :(
I posted this on my personal Tumblr a few minutes ago, and then I saw that post about trans youth you did on my dash… I feel really weird submitting this here, but every little thing helps. Thank you so so so so much if you allow this submission to go through.
So, I guess this is kind of a plea for help? I don’t know why I’m doing this, really, except for the fact that this is Tumblr… and people on Tumblr- in general- seem willing to help each other out when they can. My boyfriend, Seath, is going to be eighteen years old in three weeks. He’s a pre-everything FTM. He lives in the state of Alaska. After a lot of research, we realized that there are NO gender specialists in Alaska, and if there are, they’re in hiding. We’ve been looking for a specialist in another state that would be willing to do webcam sessions, or something of the like, but the internet is a big, usually confusing place. If any of you out there know of someone in this state, or someone willing to do online therapy, or anything else that can help him get started on the right path… please, shoot one of us a message.
Thank you so much to anyone who reads, reblogs, or helps with this in any way.
~ Hello! Thank you for sending me this. I’ll be happy to help out.
In a quick search all I found was this one in Alaska:
Wynelle Riley Snow MD, Psychiatrist 3100 Tongass Ave Ketchikan, AK. 99901-5746 Phone (907) 228-7660 Fax (907) 228-8336 General psychiatry and individual psychotherapy. Board certified. Knowledgeable about gender issues
Of course, they are not quite what you are looking for but calling them could connect you to others in your area that may be able to provide more. Anyone else have a recommendation? (Send recommendations to the tumblr links listed about so that they can use the info without having to wait for me)
Also, I went ahead and called the trans family help line for you and they said to give it a few days for them to find something. If you want you can call them they are at: 216-691-HELP (4357) or send me your number (I won’t post it) and I’ll send it to them.
Not acceptable. Here are some resources for my transgender readers: Links
If you feel alone and frightened in your school seek support. Also, if anyone threatens your life you can call the police, they are there to protect you. It’ll be okay, hang in there. Remember that there are people out here who love you. <3
Hey I was hoping I could get your advice on something. I am (mostly) straight,16 year old girl and in Year 11 at high school. Right now in English we have an assignment where we have to talk in a "panel discussion." We each choose an image which we think is beautiful and have to like talk about why it is like that, lighting etc. etc. blah blah blah. The photo has to be something we perceive as beautiful, doesn't matter what it is.
So I am in a group of 4 people, I will call the others M, B and T. M is a guy I don't know too well, he is nice, doesn't seem to be really homophobic or anything but the kind of guy who would to 2 girls kissing and not really have much of an opinion on 2 guys kissing, apart from maybe that whole "Hope they don't like ME thing". B is a gay guy, not out, one of my best friends. The problem is T. She is in a lot of my classes this year, and while I didn't know her last year, I have got to know her this year. She is really nice. She is a Jehovahs Witness. But she actually doesn't shove her beliefs down anyones throat or anything, I have asked her about it before and she has told me all I wanted to know.
Anyway. So for the picture, I wanted to have two gay guys kissing. I want to show love; and how it can be expressed by anyone, without fear or judgement. I think that is beautiful and I want to talk about it.
But T said, in a very mature and polite way, that she would feel uncomfortable with that. It is so different to any homophobia my friends and I have experienced before, we know how to deal with that shit. I am SO considering telling her I am doing a "normal couple" and then surprising everyone with the gay couple. But I like this girl, apart from this stuff, I don't want to hurt her feelings even though I am strongly against homophobia of any sort. What should I do?
P.S: Sorry this is so long...
P.P.S: Love the blog, keep it up :D
You have an interesting conundrum here. I love your idea and it would be a powerful piece I’m sure, but I understand not wanting to hurt your friend. If she was polite and unoffensive I would just talk to her about it at first. She seems level-headed and perhaps you can tell her that, to you and the others, a picture of a loving same-sex couple is beautiful. She may not even know why she is uncomfortable other than she was told to be.
In the end though it might be best to just pick another topic. Changing someone’s attitude toward homosexuality or anything else they have been indoctrinated with takes time. It would help for her to have a trusting relationship with you and your friends so she can see through your attitude that gays are just normal people that can have beautiful relationships. My fear is that springing it on her will only turn her away and push her deeper into her discomfort. She sounds like, with time at least, someone who may come around and understand the difference between reality and what she may have been taught. Always be ready to politely debate her but embarrassing her will not go very far.
I know it seems a tad hypocritical coming from this blog but I like to deal (passive aggressively :P ) with people who are rude, cruel and completely undeserving of the slow, patient approach to enlightenment.
"Seriously they want me to wear purple because five queers committed suicide. The only way I’m wearin’ it for them is if they all commit suicide," McCance said, in one of the most ugly outbursts in recent memory. "I can’t believe the people of this world have gotten this stupid. We are honoring the fact that they sinned and killed themselves because of their sin."
Having spent far too much time on the internet on message boards that permit people to post annonymously, I just got burnt out by the right-wing extremists, bigots and trolls. Its all pretty much burnt me out on people who won't engage in a dialogue that won't rise above ad hominems and clichés. As to why, Thomas Paine said it best: http://tumblr.com/xszmikcfq .
Why do you allow people who don't have the stones to attach their identities to their comments and questions post to your tumblr?
I understand and I have been considering taking the option off. Not every anon is rude and a lot of people simply don’t have a tumblr but like reading the blog anyway. I try not to post questions/submission that are overly ridiculous but everyone gets a say on the comments.
What do you all think? Time to get rid of anon questions?
I’m a big karaoke nerd, I go a few times a week. This past wednesday, I wore purple to karaoke. However, when I got up on stage, before I started to sing, I gave a little speech about why I was wearing purple and it’s importance and how we should all take a stand against all kinds of bullying. I told them a brief history about the song, “True Colours” by Cindy Lauper. I read in a newspaper article during pride week in Toronto, that she wrote that song for her gay friend and that’s how the whole rainbow thing came about. So of course, I sang that song. It was well-received.
I did the same thing the next day, different bar, cuz I felt the message was too important to ignore. As a queer ally, I felt like I needed more straight people to be aware of the implications of bullying. That night, after I sang True Colours and did my speech, I sang a George Michael song. As I was singing the host of karaoke started saying, “GM’s a queeeeeeer” and things of that nature. Him and a regular joked about it, obviously cuz they were just trying to bug me. I stopped singing. I said, into the microphone so the bar could hear, “This kind of language exacerbates the problem of bullying. This makes everyone desensitized and feel like it’s ok to throw these words around without any thought to the consequences. This is how the bullying starts. If you wanna make fun of GM or any other gay person cuz they’re gay in front of me, I will punch you in the face or ram my 4” heels up your ass, and I really don’t think you wanna get that up close and personal to my footwear.”
In other words, stfu.
One good thing however, came out of it. Another regular said, “I’m so glad you brought that up. Next time my son’s here from Illinois, I want you to meet him. He’s 17, and gay. He’s surrounded by right-wing crazy people who demonize him everyday. A couple months ago he tried to commit suicide.”
I told him I’d love to get in touch with him via facebook and do my part to reach out. I wish people would try and help these kids out, instead of “joking around” about someone’s orientation.
I’ll keep fighting the ignorance. It’s too important not to.
The story about Terrel Williams is likely a hoax: http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2010/10/details-photograph-in-recent-story-of-teen-suicide-now-in-question/
I was considering reblogging the post, and realized since there was no legitimate news source that I would look into it. I'm glad I did. Spread the word!
Sorry for being so absent lately. I have been out of town all weekend for college visits (wish me luck for med school apps!) and a friend’s wedding. So, I should be back to my many many submissions soon.
also thank you for reblogging me! im so glad more people were able to see what I had to say and the support that it’s gotten. I was super worried I would get negative responses, but I thought to myself that I always let other people be right, so today I am going to be right and not back down. thank you again!
I wore a purple tie to work. I work in a government office building, and we have a dress code, but I did what I could. I wore my tie today for the same reason others wore purple today, in remembrance of, and support for kids who are suicidal because of their sexual orientation, perceived or actual.
I did not wear a purple tie to work because I think gay or lesbian suicide is more important than straight suicide or any other suicide.
I did not wear it because sexual orientation is the only issue worth getting angry over.
I did not wear it to look down upon straight people who commit suicide.
I wore it because EVERYONE deserves to know they are loved. I wore it because I’ve been there. I was lucky enough to be born with the same sex and gender. I was lucky enough to be born straight. I was lucky enough to be born male. I was lucky enough to be born white. I was lucky enough to be born into the most privileged demographics I could be. But I was unlucky enough to be born with depression.
I grew up thinking that I deserved nothing, and that the world would be better off without me in it. I know what it’s like to with I were dead. I can only imagine what would happen if everyone else I met were telling me that they wish I were dead, too. I don’t think I would be here.
I know how these kids felt. I know how many more of them still feel. I know what it feels like to wait, hope, even pray for death, because they think they deserve it. That is why I wore purple. Sexual orientation is one of many reasons people are depressed, but it is by no means less valid. Please, by all means, start a suicide awareness day, let’s all wear turquoise seven weeks from now, or brown next spring, but I will still continue to wear purple to support the LGTBQ community, even then. Anyone who commits suicide needs to know they are valued by society, but especially now, in this time where any sexual orientation other than straight is vilified, the LGBTQ community needs all the support we can offer. They need my voice and I am more than willing to lend it. Thinking this is about homosexual superiority is utter nonsense.
I can’t believe these young people just do not get it. I really don’t. They don’t understand the concept that this isn’t about gay teens being harassed because of their hair/eye color/clothing/whatever. It’s about THEIR SEXUALITY. SEXUALITY. This determines who you marry, who can date, etc. These kids had nowhere to go and all this straight privilege is making me sick to my stomach.
~ Wow… the lack of compassion is depressing. “if people didn’t make such a big deal about everything, idiotic conflicts wouldn’t occur as often” It is common for people of privilege to get upset because people confront them about it and yes, that causes conflicts. But the other option is for all those minorities to sit down and shut up and stop addressing issues that affect them. So much easier for the masses to just ignore what makes them uncomfortable, huh?
On October 11th, I made a speech at my school during lunch about the five tragedies that had happened in the past month. Five young men commit suicide due to bullying and this is what I have to say about it.
"There have been five teen suicides in the past month due to bullying.
All reportedly over relentless teasing about their sexuality, and all just in the last month.
Raymond Chase, an openly gay college student at Johnson & Wales University, hung himself in his residence hall room two weeks ago.
Tyler Clementi, 18 years old, jumped off the George Washington Bridge after a few of his roommates filmed him with another guy in his dorm room without his permission, and streamed it on the internet to hundreds of viewers.
Seth Walsh, just 13 years old, hanged himself from a tree in his California back yard after years of being bullied. He died Tuesday afternoon after nine days on life support.
Billy Lucas, a high school freshman from Greensburg, Indiana, hung himself in his backyard following a period of antigay bullying from classmates that went unaddressed. Billy had been suspended from school that day. Friends say he was fighting back with cuss words against the bullies. They say girls were harassing him in class when he stood up and let the words spew. He was suspended.
Asher Brown, a 13 year old in Houston, Texas shot himself in the head after enduring what his mother and stepfather say was constant harassment from four other students. The parents said they had complained about the bullying to school officials during the past 18 months. Their concerns fell on deaf ears.
Did you know that 9 out of 10 gay, lesbian and bisexual students are bullied in school?
Did you know that LGBT students are four times more likely than heterosexuals to attempt suicide?
This isn’t about homosexuality. This isn’t about right or wrong. This isn’t about sin. This isn’t about religion. This isn’t about ruining the traditional marriage.
This is about discrimination. A lack of acceptance, and a fear of differences.
This is about tolerance.
If only classmates had spoken out against the bullies.
If only the administrators put an end to the bullying when it was reported the first time.
If only our societies gave these young students confidence in themselves, rather than telling them that they are unworthy. That they are different. That they are not equal.
If only those bullies had some tolerance for the differences in their classmates.
So when you hear someone say “that’s so gay”. Or when you hear someone call someone else a “faggot” or a “dyke” or a “queer”. Or when someone says “no homo”. You don’t stand by and laugh about it anymore. You speak up. You know why? Because that’s where the hatred begins. That’s where the name-calling starts, where the teasing begins, and where the violence escalates. Those are the constant phrases of negativity that lead these young students to suicide. These young men did not contemplate suicide just because. They did it because they were not the same as everyone else, and they got tormented for it.
The next time you say “that’s gay”, or “fag”, or “queer”, even if you’re not saying it to someone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. We are listening. And when we feel “different” or “strange” or “weird” or “wrong”, that’s when we begin to isolate ourselves. By calling us these names, you are telling us that we are wrong for being who we are. That’s what society and these teenagers’ classmates have drilled into their head. And that mentality is what drove these 5 young men to suicide.
Let me ask you this— what are you going to do about it? Are you going to participate in the hatred, the discrimination? Or are you going to stand up against it and have tolerance for differences. Are you going to accept that one kid in your class because she is different, are you going to let her join your lunch table? Or are you going to tease her because she’s “weird”?
It’s all about tolerance. If the government, religion, and schools practiced tolerance, these teens would still be alive today and they would be proud of who they are.
If a group of popular kids invited Billy Lucas to their lunch table, he would not feel attacked.
If Asher Brown’s school listened to the reports of bullying, he would not feel neglected.
If Seth Walsh had not been called “gay” every single day, he would not feel wrong for who he was.
If those guys did not humiliate Tyler Clementi because of his preference, he never would have jumped off that bridge.
For all you gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning students out there, it gets better. It. Gets. Better. You are not alone in this fight for justice. Thousands of people have gone through the same thing you are going through now. Celebrities, politicians, family members. It gets better. Don’t ever feel alone and don’t ever give up. Because after the dark tunnel, there will be a bright light. And that bright light will be the greatest liberation you have ever felt in your life.
If you ever begin to feel alone, take a step back. Pause and look around you. We have a gay-straight alliance in this school with 40 members who are comfortable and free to be who they are. We meet on Mondays during lunch.
If you ever begin to feel alone, I’m right here. My name is Nor Jobarah and I am here to help you.
If you ever begin to feel alone, log onto youtube.com and search for “it gets better”, where handfuls of celebrities including Lady Gaga, Kurt from Glee, Daniel Radcliffe, and Tim Gunn have made videos to the LGBT youth community telling them that it’s worth it in the end and it does get better.
If you ever begin to feel alone, call The Trevor Project hotline at 866-4-U-TREVOR which is a national organization to prevent LGBT tragedies like the 5 we are gathered here today to address.
If you do not feel alone, be an ally. Be supportive. Be tolerant. Be the one friend to the one person who does feel alone. Because that one hug, handshake, smile in the hallway can be all the hope that a suffering LGBT youth needs to not feel alones.
The bullying needs to stop and it needs to stop now. Before it’s too late for another young teen. Tolerance is all it takes. We are not all the same. We are all different. But we are also all equal. Embrace the differences among each other, and tolerate everyone for who they are.
I wish someone would have been there to tell them that it gets better. Because it does. Please join me in a moment of silence for these five young men who have taken their lives.”
Wearing purple isn’t enough. Want to know how else you can help gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender/queer/questioning/intersex/asexual/etc. youth struggling in schools?
Give Safe Space kits provided by GLSEN to a school of your choice (currently only middle schools/junior high schools and high schools are in the program, although I noticed some private schools that have all grades are in the database, too) or let GLSEN decide where to send the kits.
I had them send one to my alma mater middle and high schools.
They cost money to send but they’re worth it. Also, it might count as a tax-deductible donation. If you don’t have any money, ask a friend or family to help donate. I’m poor and I don’t currently have a job but I managed to do it, so you can probably do it, too.
I was just wondering what you thought about this?
It made me feel really uncomfortable.
I feel uncomfortable now too. Part of what bugs me is the dismissal of it all. We shouldn’t do anything special just because they are gay. Well, where is that “wear ____ for suicide day”? Some people just like to be against the tide no matter what the meaning is.
I’m getting ill reading all of these “everyone commits suicide gays are not special.”
Really? Cause according to the Massachusetts 2006 Youth Risk Survey, LGBT teens were FOUR TIMES as likely to commit suicide. That is not Okay! A huge number of suicides can be avoided if we address this and hopefully make bigger waves toward acceptance. A depressed teen is bad enough but then add real hate from friends, family and the US government and it becomes an insane obstacle to overcome.
To all those who feel that it is wrong to address this as “gay suicides” then please, tell me, how much money are you sending to suicide prevention today? What are you doing to stop ALL forms of bullying and harassment in your school (which would include a good deal of gay harassment). If you are against wearing purple but are helping to cut the numbers of suicide than I won’t hate you, at least you are trying…
But really, if you are (as I suspect) only fighting it because it makes you uncomfortable or you just love to be the cliche anti-every-movement-cause-it’s-easier-to-sit-on-my-butt-and-judge-the-world-at-home then STFU, seriously.
I would really appreciate if everybody would stop referring to whats been going on as the “gay bullying” suicides. First of all, stop fucking calling it bullying. Its not. Bullying is when one fat kid gets picked on by a taller, probably equally fat kid, over his lunch money, and happens to everyone. fucking everyone. get over it. what everyone is referring to is harassment. HARASSMENT. Potentially assault in some cases. Lets not demean what has been occurring. I recently read, and re blogged, an argument that these shouldn’t be singled out at all, as it was then singling out the ‘gay’ ones, giving special treatment, and not just recognizing all suicides. This is what I refer to as Reverse Sexism, or over sensitivity, and while initially this seems to have a decent basis, the truth is that all suicides are committed for different reasons, and if we ever hope to help save some from suicide, we need to pick out and analyze the social problems causing these to occur, and and work to solve these. The ‘gay’ suicides, of late and of the multitudes in the past, whether or not recognized for what they were, are a distinct and separate grouping, and have distinct and separate causes, that are directly identifiable and within our power to fix, unlike many others. And just because some backwards fuck says its not right in his religion, (which lets be honest, he probably doesn’t even know about himself, recently atheists and different degrees of agnostics were revealed as knowing most about any given religion, surpassing all followers in their own faith, say something?) doesn’t mean that all of society has to follow this tradition that leads to the ruining of many lives, and clearly the early ending of some. So please, stop belittling the problem, address it as it is, and lets begin working towards equality, and stop shaming our humanity.
~ Thank you for this! Very passionate and very true. There are children who are, I would say, harassed for other qualities but if we can get rid of at least one form of abuse that leads to suicides then it is a step in a healthy direction.
Don’t derail the movement because it isn’t perfect.
People piss me the fuck off. Today is to bring awareness to the recent suicides of lgbt youth and in memory, we wear purple. BUT, for some people they see this as pointless and that gays are being treated as special. This is about stopping hate, harassment, violence, intolerance, and bullying and the blind eye that is so often turned to all of this. It needs to be discussed, and it needs to stopped. How many lives have to be lost for us to finally do something about it?
This is from someone I went to high school with:
“Who the hell gives a shit? Why is a gay suicide more tragic than a straight teen’s suicide? It shouldn’t fucking matter. “Awwh it’s so terrible that those gay teens were bullied and then they committed suicide. Poor gays!” WTF. Those of you who are gay want to be treated like any other person, yet you inherently are making yourselves stand out by endorsing the publicity. It’s only a big deal because it’s being made a big deal. Why can’t the headline stop at “Teen suicide- this needs to stop!” Why is it sooo necessary to add that they’re gay? Straight kids are bullied too. It’s all tragic. It’s all horrible. And all of it should make humanity ashamed of itself. But no, the fact that they’re gay is supposed to make us pity them more. BULLSHIT.” There’s more if you want to read it: http://www.facebook.com/notes/brianne-o-michelle/response-to-recent-gay-suicide-activity-rant/443658643206
You show me someone getting bullied on a daily basis for being straight, until then, I’m not going to let you get away with this homophobic shit.
“One of the things that has been so frustrating about this wave of attention that started with Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” Project [besides the fact that a lot of people seem to have forgotten Carl Walker’s death just last year] is that so many people don’t understand the difference between criticizing the methods of queer activism and simply dismissing things because they are imperfect. They set up these little straw men and say “Do you really think [this campaign or this Day of Remembrance] will solve the problem of LGBT Teen suicide?” and it’s like, No, but thank you for being dismissive and cruel for no good reason.”—
We have a young gay man clinging to life right now in Laramie after attempting suicide. I’m not disclosing his identity without his family’s permission, but we need all the good karma we can to be directed here. The suicides lately, according to a dear friend of his, had really gotten to him.
I highly suggest everyone read this. “Now, I have no idea which bright spark came up with the idea of today’s “Wear Purple Day” but I see a good few people on my Twitter timeline telling the world and her sister that we must Wear Purple today, because – somehow – by Wearing Purple we will simultaneously End Anti-LGBT Bullying and Support LGBT Youth. Except we won’t. And anyone who seriously thinks that simply wearing purple will achieve those two undoubtedly admirable aims, is, quite frankly, a bloody fool. A New Agey, hippy-dippy, peace’n’luv, good-vibes-man bullshitting mystic fool”
Yeah, it is true but the point of EVERYONE wearing purple is to show the number of people in support and to spark conversations between people. When homophobes see the overwhelming number of people in support they will be less likely to attack a gay child (in theory) and the LGBT children seeing it will feel (hopefully) a little less alone.
No, simply wearing purple won’t do anything but it is a way of starting dialogues that may never happen otherwise.
Remember to wear purple, the color of Spirit on the LGTB flag today, in honor of all those who have lost their lives to anti-gay harassment.
Show support and speak out so that the world knows we will not put up with hate anymore! Let all the young and old LGBT out there know that they are not alone and that many, many people around the country want them to live happy, healthy lives with the ones they love.